Letting Go

Whenever you are pregnant and feeling those little (and big) kicks and jabs, you can't wait for the day you get to meet your little baby and hold them.  Well when Jacob was born, we didn't get to hold him until the next day due to his full placental abruption birth.  That was really tough, but we knew we would be holding him soon enough.  It was so wonderful to finally have the moment to "meet" our little guy and I'll never forget it. 

So whenever I found out I was pregnant with Kate, I was so excited and hopeful for a positive birth experience this time and getting to hold her right away.  Well that won't be the case again, but for a period of time that is unknown.  I have no idea if we will get to hold her before her first surgery, or have to wait until afterwards, and how long will the wait be??  This has been so hard for me to accept, but I need to let go of my baby holding fantasies.  I know it is what's best for Kate, but it doesn't make it any easier! 

There are so many other things that I need to let go of, but being the perfectionist and planner that I am, I am finding it very difficult.  I hate that I can't plan anything in our lives past the end of June.  I don't like that I can't have everything ready for her when she comes home..we just have no idea what her needs will be.  And we don't even know how long she will be in the hospital so it is hard to make Jacob arrangements.  I have no control over our lives and it drives me crazy! 

Another issue I need to get over is the worry of Kate being developmentally or physically delayed.  Yes, her life (and ours) is going to be tough the first few years, but we will do everything possible to help her with any delays she has.  It is to be expected for a baby that has 2 open heart surgeries in the first 6 months of life, will probably have more difficulty learning to crawl and walk. 

I am going to try my best to let all of this stress go that I've built up because all that really matters at this point is bringing Kate home as healthy as she can be.  Isn't our ultimate goal as parents to provide our children with the best opportunity possible to become happy, productive adults??  The path will always be bumpy and at times seem impossible, but I know that Craig and I have what it takes to give Kate and Jacob the tools needed to succeed in life!

One thing I did get to plan...Kate's 1st baby blanket:)  I know hospitals can be very chilly, so this will keep her super warm!